I have been having some great shamanic journeys lately and many things are coming to me in these journeys that I feel are important to share. I feel like I need to lay some things out and perhaps explain some things about myself and about my novice status as a journeyer before I do. Some of the people who read my blog haven't known me for years and don't know a lot about me. I will tell you a little about myself, and about how I have come to be where I am. I hope it will not be boring.
For starters I do not think I am in any way better than anyone else or that the things that happen to me in the course of my daily life or in my journeys are the cause of me being a special case. I think that anyone who opens themselves to the wonder and the mystery of what is all around us has special, deep experiences. Mystic experiences; miracles, spirit contact, divine contact, prophetic dreams, unexpected peaceful or powerful moments... these moments make life worth living. I am very grateful and humbled to have had many moments in my life that made my body weep from joy because the experience was more than my mortal self could easily handle. I am blessed that I can never doubt that the divine lives in each one of us and every thing around us because I have felt that connection personally and am marked by it. I do not think I am unique to have experienced it, only very blessed to be able to share what I have experienced.
I come from a Christian background. I was raised Methodist. My mother still is. I was always empathic and saw and heard things no one else did for as long as I can remember. My mother told me these abilities were from the devil. The idea of that never seemed right to me, even as a child. I used to ask her why God could not bless someone with the things I had, she said it was a trial to be ignored. I don't agree with her. I have the greatest love and respect for my mother, Jesus and for the Christian God. For me personally, they are not my only link with divine energy.
Because of my being raised a Christian I have known a lot of guilt about this. I know that I was made exactly as I am by the divine, despite what I was taught as a child. My abilities are a gift, not a curse. I search for my answers in commune with spirit, nature and with each person, animal or thing I come in contact with. In my view, signs and answers are everywhere and divine spirit is always speaking to us. I am not asking anyone to follow my path. I am not advocating my path. It is my path. I only hope by sharing my experiences that others might love themselves and not feel guilty about who they are.
I want each of us to see our connection to each other, and to the divine in all its forms. I want each of us to do our part to heal our mother, the Earth. I am not perfect or even anywhere close. I don't have all the answers, I don't even know the questions. I hope to share my experiences so we can explore these things together if you wish to.
I am not a Shaman. I do not claim to be. I am very much a novice, but shamanic journeying has opened up worlds and facets to everything in the short time I have been doing it that I could not have dreamed of. It is one of the coolest things I have ever experienced or done for myself. It has healed me and helped me grow. I am still a work in progress.
I love the outdoors, but am not able to spend a lot of time outdoors because as I have aged, I have become very sensitive to heat. My skin breaks out in a horrible swollen red rash that takes a couple of hours to go away. I have been to the doctor with it and was told it was part of perimenopause (joy). He basically said he was sorry, I just had to live with it. I hoped the shamanism class might ground me and help reconnect me to the earth. I really didn't know what to expect, and am surprised and joyfully humbled with each new experience I have.
I found my teacher, Carla Meeske, on the internet when I wasn't really looking for her. I read about her classes, which focus mostly on animal communication and became intrigued. I use my Reiki (a Japanese healing art in which one lays their hands on a clothed person and transmits "chi or ki" universal life energy; it can also be sent remotely) to heal animals all the time, and to help those I know who ask for it. The idea of being able to talk to my animals on a deeper level really intrigued me. I decided to sign up for her beginning class which taught journeying and meeting your power animal. My husband funded and supported me in this. :) He is a keeper and my prince.
There are three main worlds that we have worked in with the journeying I have experienced: the upper world, the lower world and the middle world. Different beings work in different places. The upper world isn't really the Christian heaven or even the Summerlands, but I think that they are probably there. I have only ever used the middle world as a portal to get to other places, I have not explored it in depth. I believe it to be most like Earth. The lower world I have found to be filled with many animal spirits. I do not think it is exclusively so, but that is just my experience there. Each world is reached through a portal, or a membrane of sorts. When you travel there, you really feel yourself pushing through them. It is easy to understand how spirits who do not know how to get through the membrane become trapped here on earth.
I was shocked to meet my first power animal; an Owl. The owl is my mother's family totem because of an encounter my maternal grandmother had with an owl years ago. The women in my mother's family display their kinship with the owl with pride by collecting every owl they see. I personally felt a much closer connection to cats or to hawks. I laughed out loud when the owl turned out to be my first teacher and guide in the other worlds. It was a delightful surprise.
I have since met other teachers and had many experiences with them. The first non animal teacher I met was the angel Raphael. I know angels reputations can be polarizing to some people, but they were around long before Christianity, and are very benevolent and loving in my limited experiences. I had been talking to them for years but was absolutely blown away to meet one. He is beautiful and kind and has a wicked sense of humor, if he will forgive me for saying so. His first words to me were, "Welcome home!"
When I met Raphael I was afraid to tell my teacher, for the same reason I never believe people when they tell me they believe in reincarnation because they were Cleopatra in a past life. I thought I would meet some Native American teacher or a great buffalo or anything but an angel during a shamanic journey.
When I told my teacher what the upper world looked like to me, I mentioned that the place I had gone had a see through floor. "I have seen that place!" she exclaimed. "When I was there, there were angels looking down on all of us." I began crying and told her who I had seen there. She was as tickled as I was, but not surprised. There is no limit to who you might meet in these journeys. I believe that.
When I am restless at night, I have always imagined a beautiful log house near a lake in the mountains. Behind the house is a wooded area, with the trees going up the mountain. All of the animals I have cared for throughout the years who have passed over live in this house, if they choose to. I always imagined that my brother and aunt who have passed over live near by and check in on them. The house is filled with unique things and feels like my home. When I met Raphael the first time he told me that the place I had been visiting in quiet meditation for years was truly in the upper realm. He told me I had been visiting that place, and others without realizing I was journeying. He was thrilled that I now was journeying consciously and wanted me to know that I could visit anytime without restriction.
On my first journey after my first set of classes ended I had a beautiful experience. The owl and Raphael took me to my home in the upper world and I got to visit with each of my animals that had passed over, except one. Molly, my cat who never liked me, was not there. I was told she was well, but lived elsewhere. My brother David came to visit me, and later my aunt Wanda. I cannot tell you the joy of visiting my family there. At the time, we were going through a very difficult period with my father and his health. I asked my aunt (his sister) for advice, expecting some wonderful course of action and she told me, "Lori, just leave your daddy alone and quit trying to make him do what you want him to do. I know you love him, but you aren't doing anything but frustrating yourself and him. Set up a healing grid with that nice piece of rose quartz you have for him. He will take care of himself, or he won't. You can't make him do anything, honey."
This all sounded just like my aunt, except for the crystal grid and rose quartz part. My aunt wouldn't have ever told me to do that here on earth in a gozillion years. I did what she said, and passed some messages on to my sister for her. Wanda has visited both of us in dreams many times, and still visits my sister's house (her former house) from time to time, seriously (we have many stories). My sister and I decided to take her advice on Daddy, and low and behold it worked. We both quit pushing him and he did what we wanted on his own. His health all around is very improved.
I have since visited with my grandmother Ione, my grandfather Edmon, my great grandfather H, and his wife Inus, who I never met in life. My grandmother was a seamstress in life, and I am happy to report she is still making clothes in the upper realm. She has made me two dresses to date for when I travel. I thought this was unusual until I asked my teacher during the course of another classes I took. She told me it was an honor, and not unusual at all.
My experiences and the experiences of the other people in the classes I have taken have made me sure that what happens during the journeys is very real. The knowledge and experiences are NEVER what you expect, and though everyone has different things happen, the commonalities that are taught are mind blowing.
I have rambled on enough for now. I am going to take a break and start writing about some of the things I have been taught. Please see my post on the shadow self to see what Raphael told me about learning to love your shadow self. It is very powerful and has been very healing to me.
More to come! Thanks for reading!
With much love,
Lori
Friday, February 25, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Christmas Tree Blues: A suggestion
I will confess my shame. I had taken my decorations off a couple of weeks ago, but my tree from Christmas/Yule just came down yesterday. I needed Paul's help to do it, and he has been out of town with work (and doing other things).
My mother visited with me as I helped him take it down. "I wish we could keep the trees up all year," she lamented.
I shared an idea with her that I am surprised some big wig at Hallmark hasn't thought of. It is something that I have been bouncing around for a long time in my mind. Why don't we leave the trees up all year? We could change the decorations to make them applicable to different times of the year. Hearts ornaments at Valentine's day, Eggs at Easter/Ostara, small framed pictures of the kids for their birthdays, Flags on the 4th of July,the list goes on... You could always change the color lights for the different holidays as well.
If you like a live tree, or if you don't have room for the big tree all year, why not get a small potted one?
As we were putting the tree in the box, my daughters came down the stairs saying, "I thought we were leaving the tree up this year?!" I told them that I would do a blog post on it in hopes of starting a grass roots movement. :)
Thanks for sharing my whimsy. What do you think? Is there a future for a 4th of July tree?
My mother visited with me as I helped him take it down. "I wish we could keep the trees up all year," she lamented.
I shared an idea with her that I am surprised some big wig at Hallmark hasn't thought of. It is something that I have been bouncing around for a long time in my mind. Why don't we leave the trees up all year? We could change the decorations to make them applicable to different times of the year. Hearts ornaments at Valentine's day, Eggs at Easter/Ostara, small framed pictures of the kids for their birthdays, Flags on the 4th of July,the list goes on... You could always change the color lights for the different holidays as well.
If you like a live tree, or if you don't have room for the big tree all year, why not get a small potted one?
As we were putting the tree in the box, my daughters came down the stairs saying, "I thought we were leaving the tree up this year?!" I told them that I would do a blog post on it in hopes of starting a grass roots movement. :)
Thanks for sharing my whimsy. What do you think? Is there a future for a 4th of July tree?
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Musings and Ramblings about the Shadow Self
I am sorry that it has been a couple of months since I have posted. I spent the month of December in a bit of a funk. I had some anger and some guilt to work through, but I am now on the other side of it. I feel much improved and have things to say. Thanks to all of you who read and care what I think. You all mean more to me than I could ever say.
My first idea for this blog post was going to be called, "The Banishing of Bloody Mary." My daughter Kristina decided because some friends taunted her that it was a good idea to see if Bloody Mary was real. She was convinced that the axe wielding ghost was going to manifest in her bedroom and couldn't sleep for several nights. When I asked her why she would intentionally call something into her room that she thought was going to murder her, she could not give me an answer except that her friends told her to do it: Kids.
I told her that I did not believe that Bloody Mary goes around murdering little girls, but told her that I was afraid of it as a child myself. I remember not looking in mirrors in the dark for years because I feared I would see her reflection over my shoulder. I performed an elaborate prayer/ceremony and told her that the thing she really feared was herself. She had to make her own peace with her fear. I told her that only her faith, courage, and perseverance would help her cleanse herself of the fear in her head. The Holy Spirit and Michael would defend and protect her from outside evil. The ghoul inside your own head is something no one can fight for you.
I know about fighting the shadow self because for the last month and a half I had been fighting with mine. Not just the past month and a half, mind you, but this was the latest battle. After my Ipod took a swim in the toilet I had no one's voice in my head but my own for a while. It was something I needed, and I am convinced that was why it happened. Balance restores itself forcefully if you do not keep it in check yourself. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I see it much clearer now. RIPIpod touch . Sorry you were a victim of my lack of self control. I will treat myself and your successor with more respect.
After my Ipod bit the dust, I started praying in earnest about whether or not to begin to be a bigger participant in the metaphysical community at large in the area. I have a dear friend who is High Priestess of The Temple of the Sacred Gift and often I have wanted to participate in their events, but for various reasons, some that I won't get into, I didn't feel entirely comfortable about it.
When I went to my friend Sonya's son's Wiccaning over the summer, I met many nice people. Most welcomed me with open arms. One in particular touched me in a profound way. Her name was Trudy Herring, or Mama Dragon as she was known to her friends. When I met her she grabbed my arm and said, "Don't tell me your name! I know you! I know that I do!" I remained silent for a few moments as she stared at me with pleading eyes. Finally I said, "We haven't met ma'am. My name is Lori Banks. You don't know me." She looked me in the eyes, indeed clear to my soul and said, "Do I not?"
In that moment I could see that she saw me. She really saw me. She saw me in the way that one soul sees another, with the eyes of the soul and not the eyes of our earthly bodies. She embraced me and I knew in my heart that I would know her and that she would be a great teacher to me. I saw her one other time at another gathering I attended and felt the same way. She was special in ways that everyone could see and feel. She shined.
I prayed hard most of the month of December, and when it came time for the Yule celebration at the temple I prayed for a sign to tell me if I should go. I got my sign, but it was not one I wanted. Indeed when the sign came it broke my heart. Trudy Herring had cancer and her body could no longer survive it. A few days before the Yule celebration, Trudy passed over.
I became so angry with myself for not knowing her better. I wanted to go to her memorial, but felt out of place doing that. Paul couldn't get off work early enough to get home and care for the girls so I let my reluctance and my kids keep me at home that night. A big part of me felt that I didn't have the right to mourn her. I didn't know her, after all. I didn't have a lot of stories to tell about her. I had not been present at any important moment for her or she for me. The moment that had passed between us at the Wiccaning seemed feeble in comparison to the people who had spent years loving her and learning from her. I let my shadow self talk me into feeling like an imposter.
December was rough. First there was the loss of Trudy. Then there was the loss of my private space when my Reiki and meditation room turned into the "Christmas Tree Room." It was pretty, but it wasn't what I wanted. The kids were home and so was Paul. The house was full of bustle and stomping feet and bickering children. I couldn't meditate or journey for the life of me and I felt lost. I enjoyed the time with my family in many ways. I don't want to sound like the Grinch, but I was thankful when school started back and I had a few minutes to myself.
I must compliment my awesome husband at this point. He bought me a lovely carved antler pendant of two owls with an aquamarine in it for Christmas and a wonderful book on Shamanism. He researched them all by himself and did so well. He also bought me some lovely figurines I had wanted. My husband may not believe in all the spiritual mumbo jumbo that I do, but he is majorly supportive of me and his love for me shows in all he does. I am one blessed woman, and I am grateful beyond words for every moment I have with him.
Over the holidays, I listened to a podcast for a show called "Why Shamanism Now" on my new Ipod. In it, the woman who narrates the show said for New Years that her resolution was to be a better follower of spirit, and to make a commitment to journey and meditate and to follow the messages she got from spirit with more regularity. She was going to follow spirit to be a better person. I decided that sounded like the best resolution that I could make as well. I set my mind to it.
When I got the invitation from The Temple of The Sacred Gift to go to their firstNew Moon Circle of the new year, I responded yes and I went. It was a great way to start the year. I felt good about being there and knew I would make this part of my new habits. I met a nice woman named Marcia who told me about a new women's group that had started at Neshoba Church. I went to it the following weekend and it was awesome. I met many women of all ages who were discovering their own spirituality and forging their own way to the divine. It was beautiful.
I have gotten in the habit of journeying at night before I go to sleep, or in the night if I cannot sleep. With my Reiki room still cluttered and recuperating from Christmas, it is the most peaceful time and place I can do it. The other night I had a very powerful journey. I went to the upper realm and met with Raphael, my teacher. Standing by his side was a dragon. It was beautiful; shades of iridescent green, purple, blue and teal shimmered on its scales. I was taken back and shocked to see it. Raphael embraced me as he always does and told me he loved me and how glad he was that I had come. I greeted him, then quickly turned and said, "Raphael, that's a dragon!" He laughed and said, "Of course it is." The dragon then transformed in to Trudy Herring and then it all made sense to me. She hugged my neck too and told me that she was proud of me for deciding to become part of the community. I told her I didn't ever want to feel again that I had missed my opportunity to know a remarkable person like her because of my own fear of fitting in. She said that I could see her in the upper realm any time I chose to. The thought of that made me very happy. She truly is, and was, a Mama Dragon.
I talked to Raphael after her departure about many things. I asked him how I could learn to love my shadow self instead of fighting with it, and he told me something that gave me a lot of perspective. He said, "Think of the body you live in now as a finger puppet to your true self. Your finger is part of you, and it has it's faults, but it is only a very small part of the whole of who you are. You could love a scar on your finger, and you must view your imperfections in the same way. You must know that they are a very small part of you, and only a tiny part of your whole higher self." He also said that imperfections were an important part of being human, and the human experience. He said no matter how high the being is that chooses a human experience, they will experience the challenges and joys of imperfection manifested in some way. I said, "Even you?" He laughed and said, "Yes, even me." He told me to write about this. So here it is.
I am tired of fighting with the part of me that hides in the shadows and throws stones and insults. I have decided to love it. It isn't going to always be easy, but I am a student of spirit and it will see me through. I want to be the best conduit for divine energy in any form that it is needed in any situation I am in. That is what I want for myself. I am a spiritual being experiencing a human life, and this is a magical time of transformation we are all living in. I am not perfect, but I am striving to be aware of what I need to do. The thing I need to do most is to love myself and others. Here goes nothing... :)
Happy New Year Dear Ones. Have you hugged your shadow self today?
My first idea for this blog post was going to be called, "The Banishing of Bloody Mary." My daughter Kristina decided because some friends taunted her that it was a good idea to see if Bloody Mary was real. She was convinced that the axe wielding ghost was going to manifest in her bedroom and couldn't sleep for several nights. When I asked her why she would intentionally call something into her room that she thought was going to murder her, she could not give me an answer except that her friends told her to do it: Kids.
I told her that I did not believe that Bloody Mary goes around murdering little girls, but told her that I was afraid of it as a child myself. I remember not looking in mirrors in the dark for years because I feared I would see her reflection over my shoulder. I performed an elaborate prayer/ceremony and told her that the thing she really feared was herself. She had to make her own peace with her fear. I told her that only her faith, courage, and perseverance would help her cleanse herself of the fear in her head. The Holy Spirit and Michael would defend and protect her from outside evil. The ghoul inside your own head is something no one can fight for you.
I know about fighting the shadow self because for the last month and a half I had been fighting with mine. Not just the past month and a half, mind you, but this was the latest battle. After my Ipod took a swim in the toilet I had no one's voice in my head but my own for a while. It was something I needed, and I am convinced that was why it happened. Balance restores itself forcefully if you do not keep it in check yourself. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I see it much clearer now. RIP
After my Ipod bit the dust, I started praying in earnest about whether or not to begin to be a bigger participant in the metaphysical community at large in the area. I have a dear friend who is High Priestess of The Temple of the Sacred Gift and often I have wanted to participate in their events, but for various reasons, some that I won't get into, I didn't feel entirely comfortable about it.
When I went to my friend Sonya's son's Wiccaning over the summer, I met many nice people. Most welcomed me with open arms. One in particular touched me in a profound way. Her name was Trudy Herring, or Mama Dragon as she was known to her friends. When I met her she grabbed my arm and said, "Don't tell me your name! I know you! I know that I do!" I remained silent for a few moments as she stared at me with pleading eyes. Finally I said, "We haven't met ma'am. My name is Lori Banks. You don't know me." She looked me in the eyes, indeed clear to my soul and said, "Do I not?"
In that moment I could see that she saw me. She really saw me. She saw me in the way that one soul sees another, with the eyes of the soul and not the eyes of our earthly bodies. She embraced me and I knew in my heart that I would know her and that she would be a great teacher to me. I saw her one other time at another gathering I attended and felt the same way. She was special in ways that everyone could see and feel. She shined.
I prayed hard most of the month of December, and when it came time for the Yule celebration at the temple I prayed for a sign to tell me if I should go. I got my sign, but it was not one I wanted. Indeed when the sign came it broke my heart. Trudy Herring had cancer and her body could no longer survive it. A few days before the Yule celebration, Trudy passed over.
I became so angry with myself for not knowing her better. I wanted to go to her memorial, but felt out of place doing that. Paul couldn't get off work early enough to get home and care for the girls so I let my reluctance and my kids keep me at home that night. A big part of me felt that I didn't have the right to mourn her. I didn't know her, after all. I didn't have a lot of stories to tell about her. I had not been present at any important moment for her or she for me. The moment that had passed between us at the Wiccaning seemed feeble in comparison to the people who had spent years loving her and learning from her. I let my shadow self talk me into feeling like an imposter.
December was rough. First there was the loss of Trudy. Then there was the loss of my private space when my Reiki and meditation room turned into the "Christmas Tree Room." It was pretty, but it wasn't what I wanted. The kids were home and so was Paul. The house was full of bustle and stomping feet and bickering children. I couldn't meditate or journey for the life of me and I felt lost. I enjoyed the time with my family in many ways. I don't want to sound like the Grinch, but I was thankful when school started back and I had a few minutes to myself.
I must compliment my awesome husband at this point. He bought me a lovely carved antler pendant of two owls with an aquamarine in it for Christmas and a wonderful book on Shamanism. He researched them all by himself and did so well. He also bought me some lovely figurines I had wanted. My husband may not believe in all the spiritual mumbo jumbo that I do, but he is majorly supportive of me and his love for me shows in all he does. I am one blessed woman, and I am grateful beyond words for every moment I have with him.
Over the holidays, I listened to a podcast for a show called "Why Shamanism Now" on my new Ipod. In it, the woman who narrates the show said for New Years that her resolution was to be a better follower of spirit, and to make a commitment to journey and meditate and to follow the messages she got from spirit with more regularity. She was going to follow spirit to be a better person. I decided that sounded like the best resolution that I could make as well. I set my mind to it.
When I got the invitation from The Temple of The Sacred Gift to go to their first
I have gotten in the habit of journeying at night before I go to sleep, or in the night if I cannot sleep. With my Reiki room still cluttered and recuperating from Christmas, it is the most peaceful time and place I can do it. The other night I had a very powerful journey. I went to the upper realm and met with Raphael, my teacher. Standing by his side was a dragon. It was beautiful; shades of iridescent green, purple, blue and teal shimmered on its scales. I was taken back and shocked to see it. Raphael embraced me as he always does and told me he loved me and how glad he was that I had come. I greeted him, then quickly turned and said, "Raphael, that's a dragon!" He laughed and said, "Of course it is." The dragon then transformed in to Trudy Herring and then it all made sense to me. She hugged my neck too and told me that she was proud of me for deciding to become part of the community. I told her I didn't ever want to feel again that I had missed my opportunity to know a remarkable person like her because of my own fear of fitting in. She said that I could see her in the upper realm any time I chose to. The thought of that made me very happy. She truly is, and was, a Mama Dragon.
I talked to Raphael after her departure about many things. I asked him how I could learn to love my shadow self instead of fighting with it, and he told me something that gave me a lot of perspective. He said, "Think of the body you live in now as a finger puppet to your true self. Your finger is part of you, and it has it's faults, but it is only a very small part of the whole of who you are. You could love a scar on your finger, and you must view your imperfections in the same way. You must know that they are a very small part of you, and only a tiny part of your whole higher self." He also said that imperfections were an important part of being human, and the human experience. He said no matter how high the being is that chooses a human experience, they will experience the challenges and joys of imperfection manifested in some way. I said, "Even you?" He laughed and said, "Yes, even me." He told me to write about this. So here it is.
I am tired of fighting with the part of me that hides in the shadows and throws stones and insults. I have decided to love it. It isn't going to always be easy, but I am a student of spirit and it will see me through. I want to be the best conduit for divine energy in any form that it is needed in any situation I am in. That is what I want for myself. I am a spiritual being experiencing a human life, and this is a magical time of transformation we are all living in. I am not perfect, but I am striving to be aware of what I need to do. The thing I need to do most is to love myself and others. Here goes nothing... :)
Happy New Year Dear Ones. Have you hugged your shadow self today?
Monday, November 15, 2010
You Can't Rollerskate in a Buffalo Herd
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FLVMP43GPI sing this song in my head a lot. It is a silly little ditty, but it has a lot of wisdom. My wise Aunt Wanda used to tell me that, "Happiness is not a place you get to, it is just something you have to decide to be." I would tell her how happy I would be when I got through with school. I would tell her how happy I would be when I got a new car. She knew then, as I have learned through much trial and error, that happiness is not about acquiring new things. Happiness does not come from any one or any thing external to you: It comes from focusing on living right now and being thankful for every small thing you have.
I have a tendency to overdo things. I get bogged down with the many details and get overwhelmed at times, as I discussed in my last post. When I get a bee in my bonnet, or a new project brewing, I tend to want to throw money at it in lieu of energy. I am growing through this right now. I felt motivated to do a similar post to my last one this time around, so forgive the redundancies if you don't need this message. This post is mostly about intention, but I will touch on other things, too.
I am taking an on line course through Carla Meeske on Shamanism and Animal communication. It started today, and my first class went very well. I like being outdoors in beautiful weather and communing with nature, but I am more of an indoor person than an outdoor one. Still, I felt very strongly that the class was for me to take, and I am pleased that I did. I think it is going to be great for connecting with spirit in different ways, and in strengthening my intention when I heal.
One of the exercises that Carla wanted us to do in class required a rattle. She asked if we had a rattle, and held up her beautiful, handcrafted, Native American one. Part of me panicked a little. I immediately began to think about cruising Ebay and finding some beautiful one that spoke to me and worried how I would pay for it since Christmas is coming and I have already gone buck nuts. I had to smile inside and out when Carla said, "A box of mints works well. Whatever it is, it just needs to rattle to call in the spirits." I went and got an empty Diet Dr Pepper bottle, threw some beans I had in it and rattled away. The spirit was called by my makeshift rattle, and all was well. My pocketbook did not suffer. I got a warm and fuzzy feeling that spending money can't buy.
I have enjoyed reading books on Enochian Magick for years. Don't be scandalized; you all know I am a weirdo. I have never felt comfortable practicing the high magick though, largely because of the things I always read you needed as props. A table made of a certain kind of wood, with inlaid symbols made out of another kind of wood and a golden ring cast a certain way with a certain symbol on it. I have always talked to the Angels and spirits in my own way, and though the practice of traveling to different levels of consciousness to visit with these ethereal beings sounds wonderful, I felt out of my league.
I bought a few books by a man named Lon Milo Duquette, and was immediately refreshed by how down to earth he is. I thumbed through his book, "Enochian Vision Magick" and was openly tickled to see that he had a pattern for a paper ring to use in Enochian magick. His quote was, "If you can't make a real magick Ring out of paper, then you'll not be able to make one out of gold." The finery that surrounds anything is not what is important. It is the intention.
Take Willie Nelson's guitar for another example. I am sure you have all seen him play his old guitar with the hole worn in it. It is Willie's spirit, his comfortable nature, his musical chops and the love and energy he has put in his old guitar for so many years that make his distinctive music sound the way it does. It is not the physical grandeur of the guitar he plays. He is the real deal, and so is his old, beat up guitar. You can hear his heart when he plays. You can see his soul in his face and know that is where his music comes from. No amount of money can buy that.
In order to manifest anything, or to be happy if you are not, there must be a change in your consciousness that allows it. Winning the lottery does not make you happy (though there have been times in my life I thought it would be close enough for me). True change and growth has to be by right of consciousness. You have to be thankful for what you have and be happy with what you are given. Those things are the foundation for manifesting anything your heart can desire. Nothing you want can make you happy if you get it. Happiness is just something you have to decide to be. You can be happy in your life; right now, just as you are. You are enough.
Sorry if I got a little (or maybe a lot) preachy. I am not talking to any one of you, but I am speaking what is on my mind and in my spirit at the moment. These are the changes I am moving through. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and ideas about this. I am going to look at rattles on Ebay. haha
Saturday, November 13, 2010
The Dangers of All or Nothing Thinking
I decided a few months ago to start reading Tarot again. I pretty much gave up reading the cards cold turkey about 9 years ago, after reading for many years. It was a good decision for me at the time. I was not in the proper frame of mind to see the wisdom of the cards. I had become addicted to what I wanted to happen, and to what the cards would show me instead of focusing on living my life. It was like the hope of what could be was more appealing to me than what I actually had. In order for me to move past the painful point in my life, I had to learn to appreciate everything I did have. Once I focused on living my life in the present moment, things shifted and my life became immensely happier.My intuition is much stronger now than it has ever been. I hope it continues to grow as I get older. The Tarot are a powerful tool of intuition and insight, and one I have missed incorporating in my life. I recently went out and bought 2 new decks and 2 new oracle decks. I have been reluctant to actually read them though. I have done it a few times, but something always seems to be in my way: Mostly it is fear of failing, or maybe succeeding.
The lack of proper silk scarves to house my new cards in has kept me from opening the packages. If I don't have the scarves, I tell myself, so I can't properly store the cards. I also bought new decks I am not familiar with, so I feel like I have to study the books on them to give a good reading, instead of following my intuition. The smudge that I use to cleanse my cards is not my husband's favorite smell. I know that I can cleanse most anything with Reiki instead of smudge, but still my former rituals for card reading have turned into excuses not to do what I feel called to do.
I see the parallel of this same situation played out in other areas of my life, and the lives of others. It is as if things don't meet certain conditions in my mind it is not safe to move on to the next level or to attempt to do things I feel called to do. I guess it is a form of procrastination. I know it is a form of fear. It is not a tangible fear that I can draw a picture of in my mind. It isn't a boogey man with claws and fangs, but it might as well be. For me the fear of doing something less than perfectly many times makes me not attempt to act in the first place. I cannot help but feel that this is the next big thing I want to tackle in myself. I have been camping here in this spot for a while in my life but I see new scenery on the horizon.
I am learning more and more to trust myself in things that I do, and trust the thoughts and ideas that come to me. It has been a slow process, and I remind myself that, "practice makes perfect" as often as I remind my children the same thing. My Reiki master, Branden, uses a great quote at the end of her emails: “We fail to realize that mastery is not about perfection. It’s about a process, a journey. The master is the one who stays on the path day after day, year after year. The master is the one who is willing to try, and fail, and try again, for as long as he or she lives.”
~ George Leonard from Mastery
I am an apprentice in many areas of my life and I am learning to love that. When you are younger you think that one day you will be a grown up and all will be revealed to you in perfect clarity. You think there is a finite point when you become the mythical "adult" you are meant to be, and that from that point on you are the master of your life. Today I know that there is no knowing it all, there is only finding more questions. There is not a lot of black and white, there are more subtle shades of gray.
It is okay to envision your life looking like you want it to, as a matter of fact, it is the key to manifestation. What is as important is giving thanks for the things you have in the present moment as a foundation for the manifestation. Don't let the absence of the proper details keep you from taking the first steps to push your dreams to reality. I am happiest when I am doing my soul work: Reiki, creating with my hands and voice, and also reading cards and using my intuitive gifts. I ask you all as my friends to call upon me if I can be of service to you in any of these ways. You will be of great service to me by doing just that.
I love you all!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Warning: The following is an Ego Driven Rant
Parts of this post will likely be politically incorrect. Please forgive me if I offend and my ego shows. I admire and respect both the Dalai Lama and Eckhart Tolle immensely. I strive to live a mindful and compassionate life. Forgive my rant (or rant along with me and get it all out)!
I was sewing some little red flannel bags the other night to house my many work crystals in. This is a work in progress, and one I am enjoying. I decided not to start listening to the next Harry Dresden book in favor of reviewing "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. I read the book a couple of years ago, and did the whole Oprah telecourse on it. I think it is a brilliant piece of work on the whole.
I now believe, as suggested to me by one of my Reiki masters, Jennifer Ledbetter, that Tolle is probably a walk in. A walk in is a soul who comes to a body that was vacated by another soul in the midst of their life. Tolle says after a night of wanting to kill himself he woke up enlightened and thought the world was beautiful. He had released his pain body and saw that his essence was separate from the little nagging voice in his head (his ego). He no longer talks about his past in great detail (because his soul is not attached to it). His message of mindful meditation is very beautiful, and useful. "The Power of Now", also by Tolle, is a powerful book as well. When I read it I had to do it in bits. I would read a chapter, fall asleep from the depth and the need to absorb what it said, then wake to read more. It is truly soul food.
Back to my rant... Tolle has several sections in "A New Earth" that describe how not to stifle your children and how not to become the role of mother or father when you parent. Everyone knows the role of mother: "Did you even brush your hair this morning? Why are you wearing a tank top when it is 55 degrees outside? You can't eat M&M's for breakfast!" You get the picture. Tolle says that while some of those rants might be necessary to protect your children and instill good habits, that you should endeavor to parent as yourself (i.e. the person who you really are, not some perfect example of the role of motherhood). Your children were born to you, not Mrs. Cleaver on steroids. I think he is right. That being said, sometimes the very idea of that makes me feel every bit as inadequate as some chick in a magazine that weighs a buck O'five in a swimsuit.
As I sewed my bags my thoughts went to my daughter Kristina. Kristina is a pre-teen with the smartest little mouth you ever heard. We get in arguments (as mothers and daughters are want to do) and she won't apologize to me in person. She writes me these pointed (and hilarious) letters. The last one simply said, "Mama I'm Sorry I Love You." I laughed out loud. She said she meant it to say, "Mama, I'm Sorry. I love you." I think her lack of punctuation speaks for itself. lol
Bitterness filled me as Tolle's words filtered through my brain. "Does this man have kids? Has he ever been on the receiving end of someone like my daughter who informed me that she knows everything because she watched, "Go Diego, Go"? People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones! People who don't have kids have no right to advise those of us who do!
I remember thinking before we adopted what kind of mother I would be: I would never be angry; I would never spank; I would understand and be a patient teacher; I would detach myself from smarty comments and not take them personally. I read a library of books on adoption and parenting post institutionalized kids. I took 3 parenting classes. I thought I was ready!
The days after we adopted my children were among the worst days of my life. I had worked solid for a year and a half on paperwork and painstaking procedure to bring these two little people to our family. I prayed for them. I dreamed of them. I cried for them. I longed for them. They hated my guts. I was crushed, and we had a lot of work to do. I finally won their trust, and their love.
They both love me very well now. I love both my girls, too. Kristina is snotty and can do it all but you let her skin her knee and you find out who she thinks can fix anything. It is me she runs to. As much as she rebels against my authority, she has faith in my abilities. How I hope I never let her down. I hope she always views me as capable and bright, and that the years and our experiences as mother and daughter do not tarnish her love for me (or Alina's either). Only time will tell.
Here I am, letting my ego tell it's story, but it feels right to do it. The ego is a useful tool for yourself and others if you rule it, and don't let it rule you. I have my moments when it takes me over, but other moments I am true to my true self and the real me shines. I am a work in progress, and not ashamed of that any longer. I am exactly where I am meant to be, as are each one of you.
Another little rant: Why do all the accepted holy men in the media have to be men? Especially when in my life I can't have a deep conversation about consciousness or metaphysics with any of the men in my life? My husband, who is the most intelligent man I have ever met says to think of such things makes his head hurt. He is a math nut, and he won't even discuss sacred geometry with me. He doesn't understand why anyone would want to look at life in such detail. I am blessed, because he loves and accepts me (even though he thinks I am basically delusional and crazy). I may be a nut, but I am his nut. He is supportive and encouraging to me as long as I don't try to talk about the details to him. lol Do most spiritual men take the path of the monk (i.e. The Dalai Lama) and forgo family life and ties? I wonder if it is easier to be holy that way... or are they missing the whole point? Who am I to judge? The Dalai Mama... that's who. lol
I salute my friends in the Pagan community who embrace the power of women in all their splendor, power and reality. A priestess can be a maiden, mother or a crone and all stages are rejoiced in. Even though I admit that organized religion of any kind scares me, I love that idea. I live that idea. I think the world needs more strong women to speak out about our lives and our spirituality. You don't have to be perfect to be useful and inspirational. It is our flaws that make us accessible to others.
I am closing for now, but I thank each one of my sisters for letting me rant. I would love to hear your thoughts, too. You all inspire me!
Love you!
I was sewing some little red flannel bags the other night to house my many work crystals in. This is a work in progress, and one I am enjoying. I decided not to start listening to the next Harry Dresden book in favor of reviewing "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. I read the book a couple of years ago, and did the whole Oprah telecourse on it. I think it is a brilliant piece of work on the whole.
I now believe, as suggested to me by one of my Reiki masters, Jennifer Ledbetter, that Tolle is probably a walk in. A walk in is a soul who comes to a body that was vacated by another soul in the midst of their life. Tolle says after a night of wanting to kill himself he woke up enlightened and thought the world was beautiful. He had released his pain body and saw that his essence was separate from the little nagging voice in his head (his ego). He no longer talks about his past in great detail (because his soul is not attached to it). His message of mindful meditation is very beautiful, and useful. "The Power of Now", also by Tolle, is a powerful book as well. When I read it I had to do it in bits. I would read a chapter, fall asleep from the depth and the need to absorb what it said, then wake to read more. It is truly soul food.
Back to my rant... Tolle has several sections in "A New Earth" that describe how not to stifle your children and how not to become the role of mother or father when you parent. Everyone knows the role of mother: "Did you even brush your hair this morning? Why are you wearing a tank top when it is 55 degrees outside? You can't eat M&M's for breakfast!" You get the picture. Tolle says that while some of those rants might be necessary to protect your children and instill good habits, that you should endeavor to parent as yourself (i.e. the person who you really are, not some perfect example of the role of motherhood). Your children were born to you, not Mrs. Cleaver on steroids. I think he is right. That being said, sometimes the very idea of that makes me feel every bit as inadequate as some chick in a magazine that weighs a buck O'five in a swimsuit.
As I sewed my bags my thoughts went to my daughter Kristina. Kristina is a pre-teen with the smartest little mouth you ever heard. We get in arguments (as mothers and daughters are want to do) and she won't apologize to me in person. She writes me these pointed (and hilarious) letters. The last one simply said, "Mama I'm Sorry I Love You." I laughed out loud. She said she meant it to say, "Mama, I'm Sorry. I love you." I think her lack of punctuation speaks for itself. lol
Bitterness filled me as Tolle's words filtered through my brain. "Does this man have kids? Has he ever been on the receiving end of someone like my daughter who informed me that she knows everything because she watched, "Go Diego, Go"? People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones! People who don't have kids have no right to advise those of us who do!
I remember thinking before we adopted what kind of mother I would be: I would never be angry; I would never spank; I would understand and be a patient teacher; I would detach myself from smarty comments and not take them personally. I read a library of books on adoption and parenting post institutionalized kids. I took 3 parenting classes. I thought I was ready!
The days after we adopted my children were among the worst days of my life. I had worked solid for a year and a half on paperwork and painstaking procedure to bring these two little people to our family. I prayed for them. I dreamed of them. I cried for them. I longed for them. They hated my guts. I was crushed, and we had a lot of work to do. I finally won their trust, and their love.
They both love me very well now. I love both my girls, too. Kristina is snotty and can do it all but you let her skin her knee and you find out who she thinks can fix anything. It is me she runs to. As much as she rebels against my authority, she has faith in my abilities. How I hope I never let her down. I hope she always views me as capable and bright, and that the years and our experiences as mother and daughter do not tarnish her love for me (or Alina's either). Only time will tell.
Here I am, letting my ego tell it's story, but it feels right to do it. The ego is a useful tool for yourself and others if you rule it, and don't let it rule you. I have my moments when it takes me over, but other moments I am true to my true self and the real me shines. I am a work in progress, and not ashamed of that any longer. I am exactly where I am meant to be, as are each one of you.
Another little rant: Why do all the accepted holy men in the media have to be men? Especially when in my life I can't have a deep conversation about consciousness or metaphysics with any of the men in my life? My husband, who is the most intelligent man I have ever met says to think of such things makes his head hurt. He is a math nut, and he won't even discuss sacred geometry with me. He doesn't understand why anyone would want to look at life in such detail. I am blessed, because he loves and accepts me (even though he thinks I am basically delusional and crazy). I may be a nut, but I am his nut. He is supportive and encouraging to me as long as I don't try to talk about the details to him. lol Do most spiritual men take the path of the monk (i.e. The Dalai Lama) and forgo family life and ties? I wonder if it is easier to be holy that way... or are they missing the whole point? Who am I to judge? The Dalai Mama... that's who. lol
I salute my friends in the Pagan community who embrace the power of women in all their splendor, power and reality. A priestess can be a maiden, mother or a crone and all stages are rejoiced in. Even though I admit that organized religion of any kind scares me, I love that idea. I live that idea. I think the world needs more strong women to speak out about our lives and our spirituality. You don't have to be perfect to be useful and inspirational. It is our flaws that make us accessible to others.
I am closing for now, but I thank each one of my sisters for letting me rant. I would love to hear your thoughts, too. You all inspire me!
Love you!
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