One of the ongoing challenges of my life, and indeed some of my biggest lessons, have involved using the appropriate force in situations. Force doesn’t have to be a negative thing. Encouragement might be a force, as is an offer to help. It was a break through moment for me when I heard a speaker talk about appropriate force in dealing with conflict in your life. The speaker used the example of killing a mosquito. He said that you had three choices on how to do it: you could either hit it with your hand, with a brick, or with a car. This analogy hit home for me about the way I had handled conflict all my life. Instead of using appropriate force and swatting life’s pests with my hand, I had often attempted to run over them with a car.
This was a learned behavior for me, as I am sure it was for my parents. The problem with hitting all problems with the force of an automobile collision is that there is a lot of collateral damage left in your wake. The damage isn’t just done to the object of your conflict, but also to you. You have to sustain a lot of energy with your anger in order to power a car-sized reaction. Hitting all conflicts with cars causes high blood pressure, among other ailments. It is not a challenge that effects only me. I see people swatting mosquitoes with bricks and cars all the time. My kids make a daily contest of it. I am still learning appropriate force, but I hope my example in time teaches them better.
Keep these points in mind if you will as I tell you about the lovely journey I had and the revelations I had during it. I promise it will all tie together way before the end of the post, and I will try to make it neatly. ;)
We did a very large cleansing ritual/journey in my Shamanism class. I traveled to the upper world, met with my teachers and many others in the sacred circle I usually visit and I asked to be cleansed of dark energy and such that I had picked up in life, and in my process of being an energetic worker and journeyer. The process was very powerful for me, and for all the class members. I will share with you a bit about my cleansing and what I learned.
My cleansing involved 4 elements: water, air, fire and finally earth. I am going to concentrate my story on the final cleansing; earth. In my journey I became a part of the earth. At first I felt as if I were resting underneath the ground, but soon I became aware that there was a lot going on just over my head on the surface. I could see the land and feel the wind blow through the fields of wildflowers and crops of grain. I could see the roads that crossed me, and feel the tickle of the cars that made their way across me. I could feel the trees and their roots that ran down deeply feeding from me: their source. I could see people playing in parks and children running. I could see men with bulldozers on my surface scratching at my crust to harvest stone and coal. I could feel wild water running down my surface and cutting grooves as it went.
The overwhelming emotion I felt toward every living thing that I encountered was pure, unconditional love. There was an underlying knowledge all the way to my core that I (as the Earth) was eternal, and immortal. I was aware of the changes that were being made on my surface, but I was also aware that I could change any one of them with a thought. The beings that lived because of me did not control me. I felt no anger or resentment; I just knew that I would endure and was in charge of my destiny. I also felt a presence that was not just feminine, as I often think of the earth, but with a definite male aspect as well.
This message was one I desperately needed to feel and hear. For weeks I have been in an anxiety and guilt induced stupor that had left me feeling physically ill. After the extreme high of Daughters of the Moon, and the powerful journeys I had after the retreat, reentry into the real world kicked my butt. I make it a point not to watch the news with regularity, or to get caught up in conspiracy theories. But after the horrors of the Japanese earthquake, and ongoing nuclear contamination in that country; followed by the tornadoes and flooding in my area, I began anew to delve into the world of corporate sponsored news reports and fringe theories.
My ego and shadow self stalked me. They whispered self-important notions about impending doom and oncoming catastrophe. Judgement was coming; I could feel it; and hell was coming with it! I was not stifled by worry, in my own defense, but it was occupying my mind more than I normally allow it to. Then I read a quote on Facebook the other day by Laurelle Shanti Gaia, who is a fellow Reiki master. “When we focus on conspiracy, we are not focusing on truth. May peace and truth BE.” I began to see the rut I had stepped into.
The vision I had in my journey affirmed so many things for me. The first and foremost thing is that we are all unconditionally loved, which is a huge comfort in itself. We are cherished by the earth, and by all the celestial beings I have come in contact with. We are beloved children who are loved in spite of our mistakes. We are loved in spite of our shortcomings. The verses from the bible come to me about the hair on our head being numbered, and about our creator knowing when every sparrow falls. I believe that, and it was reaffirmed to me in such a way that I do not just know it in my mind: I feel it in my every pore down to my soul level.
For years I had attributed the human qualities of anger, retribution and hatred to the beings that made me, sustain me and guide me. They are beyond that. I have no doubt that in many ways their patience is running thin with the beings of this earth, but I don’t think that there will be a huge retribution leveled on us for being ignorant and not growing. If there is retribution, it will be one we have wrought on ourselves. The responsibility and guilt of things I cannot control were cleansed from me. They have been replaced by a need for action.
The earth, our creator and our guides know exactly how much force to exert to make the changes that need to be made to sustain our world and to advance us to higher levels of consciousness. A prayer comes to mind that was taught to me by my first human metaphysical teacher (love you, Gracia): “Please help me to learn the lessons I need to learn in the quickest and the least painful way possible for me.” It was her theory, and it is mine, too that the higher powers start out throwing cotton balls, then small rocks, then maybe we get to the brick and car level of teaching. I think this prayer is especially poignant and beautiful in the world we live in now.
The Earth is the selfless sustainer of my body and my human experience. I will continue to look for ways to live a greener, kinder life. I will endeavor to spread love from my heart every opportunity I get. I will pray for the earth and all those who share it with even more regularity. I will send healing energy to the earth every time I think of it. I will maintain a space of love and hope in my heart for the earth and all those living on her: human, animal, plant and spirit. Namaste.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Maiden, Mother, Crone; a Writing Experiment
A couple of weeks ago I went to a wonderful retreat called "Daughters of the Moon." It was a life changing event for me in many ways. I met so many wonderful women, learned so many new things, danced and sang like a girl and renewed a relationship with Lori. The whole experience was rejuvenating and enriching in many ways.
While at the retreat, I attended a workshop given by Rev. Sonya Miller about her writing techniques. She passed out paper and had us do a writing exercise where we sought ideas from the three aspects of the Goddess; The Maiden, The Mother and The Crone. I just free wrote during these exercises. I let the words flow out of me without trying to make sense out of them. I thought the Crone one was kind of interesting at the time. I reread them all yesterday and decided I liked what they all have to say. Here they are in their roughness and what glory there is:
The Maiden
It is okay to be a work in progress.
Life shapes us as we go.
Sometimes it is more than okay to want to be noticed.
It is not selfish to seek affirmation from others, but it is more fulfilling to find it within yourself.
Give yourself permission to speak your needs, or speak your mind.
Often the thing you are afraid to say is what someone else needs to hear.
The Mother
I wish I loved me like you do
I wish I saw me through your eyes
You seem to understand me
How did you get to be so wise?
You see something in me
I wish I saw in myself
Like drops of rain on a barren field
Flowers will grow from my tears
But without your sun, there would be no color
Without your forge to temper my fears
I wonder how I never saw you
When you had seen me all these years
You had always been near
You saw me
The Crone
You have nothing to prove
You are the source of all your joy and fears
Your path is illuminated
Open your eyes
Don't shy away from the light you possess
Your light is not a gift to you
It is a gift to all
The puzzle needs your piece to be whole
Wiggle around until you fit yourself in
You are a part of the big picture
Don't be discouraged
You are love
I kind of like them all. ;) If you read them together, they sound like a message, and I believe they are. The message might have started out to me, but I think it can be to each of you if you want it to be.
Blessings to you all!
While at the retreat, I attended a workshop given by Rev. Sonya Miller about her writing techniques. She passed out paper and had us do a writing exercise where we sought ideas from the three aspects of the Goddess; The Maiden, The Mother and The Crone. I just free wrote during these exercises. I let the words flow out of me without trying to make sense out of them. I thought the Crone one was kind of interesting at the time. I reread them all yesterday and decided I liked what they all have to say. Here they are in their roughness and what glory there is:
The Maiden
It is okay to be a work in progress.
Life shapes us as we go.
Sometimes it is more than okay to want to be noticed.
It is not selfish to seek affirmation from others, but it is more fulfilling to find it within yourself.
Give yourself permission to speak your needs, or speak your mind.
Often the thing you are afraid to say is what someone else needs to hear.
The Mother
I wish I loved me like you do
I wish I saw me through your eyes
You seem to understand me
How did you get to be so wise?
You see something in me
I wish I saw in myself
Like drops of rain on a barren field
Flowers will grow from my tears
But without your sun, there would be no color
Without your forge to temper my fears
I wonder how I never saw you
When you had seen me all these years
You had always been near
You saw me
The Crone
You have nothing to prove
You are the source of all your joy and fears
Your path is illuminated
Open your eyes
Don't shy away from the light you possess
Your light is not a gift to you
It is a gift to all
The puzzle needs your piece to be whole
Wiggle around until you fit yourself in
You are a part of the big picture
Don't be discouraged
You are love
I kind of like them all. ;) If you read them together, they sound like a message, and I believe they are. The message might have started out to me, but I think it can be to each of you if you want it to be.
Blessings to you all!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Revelations about Power
Hi all,
Sorry for the length of time since my last post. It wasn't that I had nothing to say, I just felt trepidation about saying it. I feel very moved by spirit to share with you all what was shared with me today about power.
I had my Shamanism class today with my wonderful teacher Carla Meeske and all the very talented and special women who take the class with me. It is a high point of every week for me. Today we journeyed to ask a teacher three questions about Power. Actually we were told to ask two of the three, but I asked all three because I had time and why not?
The drumming started and my journey began. No power animal met me in nature as is usual; Raphael met me himself. We went to a place similar to another I had traveled to recently. It was through space to another planet. On this planet (or orb) was a huge tower. He spoke to me as we visited this tower. I asked the following questions and he told me to write down what he said.
What is power?
"Power is Love
Love is Power
Power is Balance
It is opening doors and knowing when to close them
Power is Freedom
Freedom is love and light and energy."
Where does power come from?
"Everywhere and Everything: Nowhere and Nothing"
my note: When he said this, I thought of a wonderful analogy that was made of the Goddess Kali at Daughters of the Moon a couple weekends ago. The woman who made it said, "Kali is the darkness you see when you close your eyes." I felt (for me, make your own interpretation) that he was saying the same thing about the origins of power. It is the origin of the dark pool of possibilities.
How does power help us heal?
"It enlightens us so that we may help ourselves.
It opens our eyes so that we may see that there is no separation between us and it.
It reveals illusion and illuminates truth."
I thanked Raphael for answering my questions and he embraced me very warmly, as is his way. He then looked me in the eyes and spoke to my soul. He told me that he loved me, and that in itself was everything. Then he kissed my third eye and sent me back to ordinary reality.
Carla asked me if I was going to write a song about this, and I just might do it. I have been thinking lately that it might be the best way to impart the things I am told in a medium that doesn't make me feel like a fruitcake. People expect songs to be cryptic and profound. It might be just the ticket. ;)
Love to you all!
Sorry for the length of time since my last post. It wasn't that I had nothing to say, I just felt trepidation about saying it. I feel very moved by spirit to share with you all what was shared with me today about power.
I had my Shamanism class today with my wonderful teacher Carla Meeske and all the very talented and special women who take the class with me. It is a high point of every week for me. Today we journeyed to ask a teacher three questions about Power. Actually we were told to ask two of the three, but I asked all three because I had time and why not?
The drumming started and my journey began. No power animal met me in nature as is usual; Raphael met me himself. We went to a place similar to another I had traveled to recently. It was through space to another planet. On this planet (or orb) was a huge tower. He spoke to me as we visited this tower. I asked the following questions and he told me to write down what he said.
What is power?
"Power is Love
Love is Power
Power is Balance
It is opening doors and knowing when to close them
Power is Freedom
Freedom is love and light and energy."
Where does power come from?
"Everywhere and Everything: Nowhere and Nothing"
my note: When he said this, I thought of a wonderful analogy that was made of the Goddess Kali at Daughters of the Moon a couple weekends ago. The woman who made it said, "Kali is the darkness you see when you close your eyes." I felt (for me, make your own interpretation) that he was saying the same thing about the origins of power. It is the origin of the dark pool of possibilities.
How does power help us heal?
"It enlightens us so that we may help ourselves.
It opens our eyes so that we may see that there is no separation between us and it.
It reveals illusion and illuminates truth."
I thanked Raphael for answering my questions and he embraced me very warmly, as is his way. He then looked me in the eyes and spoke to my soul. He told me that he loved me, and that in itself was everything. Then he kissed my third eye and sent me back to ordinary reality.
Carla asked me if I was going to write a song about this, and I just might do it. I have been thinking lately that it might be the best way to impart the things I am told in a medium that doesn't make me feel like a fruitcake. People expect songs to be cryptic and profound. It might be just the ticket. ;)
Love to you all!
Friday, February 25, 2011
A few notes about journeying, and about me in general
I have been having some great shamanic journeys lately and many things are coming to me in these journeys that I feel are important to share. I feel like I need to lay some things out and perhaps explain some things about myself and about my novice status as a journeyer before I do. Some of the people who read my blog haven't known me for years and don't know a lot about me. I will tell you a little about myself, and about how I have come to be where I am. I hope it will not be boring.
For starters I do not think I am in any way better than anyone else or that the things that happen to me in the course of my daily life or in my journeys are the cause of me being a special case. I think that anyone who opens themselves to the wonder and the mystery of what is all around us has special, deep experiences. Mystic experiences; miracles, spirit contact, divine contact, prophetic dreams, unexpected peaceful or powerful moments... these moments make life worth living. I am very grateful and humbled to have had many moments in my life that made my body weep from joy because the experience was more than my mortal self could easily handle. I am blessed that I can never doubt that the divine lives in each one of us and every thing around us because I have felt that connection personally and am marked by it. I do not think I am unique to have experienced it, only very blessed to be able to share what I have experienced.
I come from a Christian background. I was raised Methodist. My mother still is. I was always empathic and saw and heard things no one else did for as long as I can remember. My mother told me these abilities were from the devil. The idea of that never seemed right to me, even as a child. I used to ask her why God could not bless someone with the things I had, she said it was a trial to be ignored. I don't agree with her. I have the greatest love and respect for my mother, Jesus and for the Christian God. For me personally, they are not my only link with divine energy.
Because of my being raised a Christian I have known a lot of guilt about this. I know that I was made exactly as I am by the divine, despite what I was taught as a child. My abilities are a gift, not a curse. I search for my answers in commune with spirit, nature and with each person, animal or thing I come in contact with. In my view, signs and answers are everywhere and divine spirit is always speaking to us. I am not asking anyone to follow my path. I am not advocating my path. It is my path. I only hope by sharing my experiences that others might love themselves and not feel guilty about who they are.
I want each of us to see our connection to each other, and to the divine in all its forms. I want each of us to do our part to heal our mother, the Earth. I am not perfect or even anywhere close. I don't have all the answers, I don't even know the questions. I hope to share my experiences so we can explore these things together if you wish to.
I am not a Shaman. I do not claim to be. I am very much a novice, but shamanic journeying has opened up worlds and facets to everything in the short time I have been doing it that I could not have dreamed of. It is one of the coolest things I have ever experienced or done for myself. It has healed me and helped me grow. I am still a work in progress.
I love the outdoors, but am not able to spend a lot of time outdoors because as I have aged, I have become very sensitive to heat. My skin breaks out in a horrible swollen red rash that takes a couple of hours to go away. I have been to the doctor with it and was told it was part of perimenopause (joy). He basically said he was sorry, I just had to live with it. I hoped the shamanism class might ground me and help reconnect me to the earth. I really didn't know what to expect, and am surprised and joyfully humbled with each new experience I have.
I found my teacher, Carla Meeske, on the internet when I wasn't really looking for her. I read about her classes, which focus mostly on animal communication and became intrigued. I use my Reiki (a Japanese healing art in which one lays their hands on a clothed person and transmits "chi or ki" universal life energy; it can also be sent remotely) to heal animals all the time, and to help those I know who ask for it. The idea of being able to talk to my animals on a deeper level really intrigued me. I decided to sign up for her beginning class which taught journeying and meeting your power animal. My husband funded and supported me in this. :) He is a keeper and my prince.
There are three main worlds that we have worked in with the journeying I have experienced: the upper world, the lower world and the middle world. Different beings work in different places. The upper world isn't really the Christian heaven or even the Summerlands, but I think that they are probably there. I have only ever used the middle world as a portal to get to other places, I have not explored it in depth. I believe it to be most like Earth. The lower world I have found to be filled with many animal spirits. I do not think it is exclusively so, but that is just my experience there. Each world is reached through a portal, or a membrane of sorts. When you travel there, you really feel yourself pushing through them. It is easy to understand how spirits who do not know how to get through the membrane become trapped here on earth.
I was shocked to meet my first power animal; an Owl. The owl is my mother's family totem because of an encounter my maternal grandmother had with an owl years ago. The women in my mother's family display their kinship with the owl with pride by collecting every owl they see. I personally felt a much closer connection to cats or to hawks. I laughed out loud when the owl turned out to be my first teacher and guide in the other worlds. It was a delightful surprise.
I have since met other teachers and had many experiences with them. The first non animal teacher I met was the angel Raphael. I know angels reputations can be polarizing to some people, but they were around long before Christianity, and are very benevolent and loving in my limited experiences. I had been talking to them for years but was absolutely blown away to meet one. He is beautiful and kind and has a wicked sense of humor, if he will forgive me for saying so. His first words to me were, "Welcome home!"
When I met Raphael I was afraid to tell my teacher, for the same reason I never believe people when they tell me they believe in reincarnation because they were Cleopatra in a past life. I thought I would meet some Native American teacher or a great buffalo or anything but an angel during a shamanic journey.
When I told my teacher what the upper world looked like to me, I mentioned that the place I had gone had a see through floor. "I have seen that place!" she exclaimed. "When I was there, there were angels looking down on all of us." I began crying and told her who I had seen there. She was as tickled as I was, but not surprised. There is no limit to who you might meet in these journeys. I believe that.
When I am restless at night, I have always imagined a beautiful log house near a lake in the mountains. Behind the house is a wooded area, with the trees going up the mountain. All of the animals I have cared for throughout the years who have passed over live in this house, if they choose to. I always imagined that my brother and aunt who have passed over live near by and check in on them. The house is filled with unique things and feels like my home. When I met Raphael the first time he told me that the place I had been visiting in quiet meditation for years was truly in the upper realm. He told me I had been visiting that place, and others without realizing I was journeying. He was thrilled that I now was journeying consciously and wanted me to know that I could visit anytime without restriction.
On my first journey after my first set of classes ended I had a beautiful experience. The owl and Raphael took me to my home in the upper world and I got to visit with each of my animals that had passed over, except one. Molly, my cat who never liked me, was not there. I was told she was well, but lived elsewhere. My brother David came to visit me, and later my aunt Wanda. I cannot tell you the joy of visiting my family there. At the time, we were going through a very difficult period with my father and his health. I asked my aunt (his sister) for advice, expecting some wonderful course of action and she told me, "Lori, just leave your daddy alone and quit trying to make him do what you want him to do. I know you love him, but you aren't doing anything but frustrating yourself and him. Set up a healing grid with that nice piece of rose quartz you have for him. He will take care of himself, or he won't. You can't make him do anything, honey."
This all sounded just like my aunt, except for the crystal grid and rose quartz part. My aunt wouldn't have ever told me to do that here on earth in a gozillion years. I did what she said, and passed some messages on to my sister for her. Wanda has visited both of us in dreams many times, and still visits my sister's house (her former house) from time to time, seriously (we have many stories). My sister and I decided to take her advice on Daddy, and low and behold it worked. We both quit pushing him and he did what we wanted on his own. His health all around is very improved.
I have since visited with my grandmother Ione, my grandfather Edmon, my great grandfather H, and his wife Inus, who I never met in life. My grandmother was a seamstress in life, and I am happy to report she is still making clothes in the upper realm. She has made me two dresses to date for when I travel. I thought this was unusual until I asked my teacher during the course of another classes I took. She told me it was an honor, and not unusual at all.
My experiences and the experiences of the other people in the classes I have taken have made me sure that what happens during the journeys is very real. The knowledge and experiences are NEVER what you expect, and though everyone has different things happen, the commonalities that are taught are mind blowing.
I have rambled on enough for now. I am going to take a break and start writing about some of the things I have been taught. Please see my post on the shadow self to see what Raphael told me about learning to love your shadow self. It is very powerful and has been very healing to me.
More to come! Thanks for reading!
With much love,
Lori
For starters I do not think I am in any way better than anyone else or that the things that happen to me in the course of my daily life or in my journeys are the cause of me being a special case. I think that anyone who opens themselves to the wonder and the mystery of what is all around us has special, deep experiences. Mystic experiences; miracles, spirit contact, divine contact, prophetic dreams, unexpected peaceful or powerful moments... these moments make life worth living. I am very grateful and humbled to have had many moments in my life that made my body weep from joy because the experience was more than my mortal self could easily handle. I am blessed that I can never doubt that the divine lives in each one of us and every thing around us because I have felt that connection personally and am marked by it. I do not think I am unique to have experienced it, only very blessed to be able to share what I have experienced.
I come from a Christian background. I was raised Methodist. My mother still is. I was always empathic and saw and heard things no one else did for as long as I can remember. My mother told me these abilities were from the devil. The idea of that never seemed right to me, even as a child. I used to ask her why God could not bless someone with the things I had, she said it was a trial to be ignored. I don't agree with her. I have the greatest love and respect for my mother, Jesus and for the Christian God. For me personally, they are not my only link with divine energy.
Because of my being raised a Christian I have known a lot of guilt about this. I know that I was made exactly as I am by the divine, despite what I was taught as a child. My abilities are a gift, not a curse. I search for my answers in commune with spirit, nature and with each person, animal or thing I come in contact with. In my view, signs and answers are everywhere and divine spirit is always speaking to us. I am not asking anyone to follow my path. I am not advocating my path. It is my path. I only hope by sharing my experiences that others might love themselves and not feel guilty about who they are.
I want each of us to see our connection to each other, and to the divine in all its forms. I want each of us to do our part to heal our mother, the Earth. I am not perfect or even anywhere close. I don't have all the answers, I don't even know the questions. I hope to share my experiences so we can explore these things together if you wish to.
I am not a Shaman. I do not claim to be. I am very much a novice, but shamanic journeying has opened up worlds and facets to everything in the short time I have been doing it that I could not have dreamed of. It is one of the coolest things I have ever experienced or done for myself. It has healed me and helped me grow. I am still a work in progress.
I love the outdoors, but am not able to spend a lot of time outdoors because as I have aged, I have become very sensitive to heat. My skin breaks out in a horrible swollen red rash that takes a couple of hours to go away. I have been to the doctor with it and was told it was part of perimenopause (joy). He basically said he was sorry, I just had to live with it. I hoped the shamanism class might ground me and help reconnect me to the earth. I really didn't know what to expect, and am surprised and joyfully humbled with each new experience I have.
I found my teacher, Carla Meeske, on the internet when I wasn't really looking for her. I read about her classes, which focus mostly on animal communication and became intrigued. I use my Reiki (a Japanese healing art in which one lays their hands on a clothed person and transmits "chi or ki" universal life energy; it can also be sent remotely) to heal animals all the time, and to help those I know who ask for it. The idea of being able to talk to my animals on a deeper level really intrigued me. I decided to sign up for her beginning class which taught journeying and meeting your power animal. My husband funded and supported me in this. :) He is a keeper and my prince.
There are three main worlds that we have worked in with the journeying I have experienced: the upper world, the lower world and the middle world. Different beings work in different places. The upper world isn't really the Christian heaven or even the Summerlands, but I think that they are probably there. I have only ever used the middle world as a portal to get to other places, I have not explored it in depth. I believe it to be most like Earth. The lower world I have found to be filled with many animal spirits. I do not think it is exclusively so, but that is just my experience there. Each world is reached through a portal, or a membrane of sorts. When you travel there, you really feel yourself pushing through them. It is easy to understand how spirits who do not know how to get through the membrane become trapped here on earth.
I was shocked to meet my first power animal; an Owl. The owl is my mother's family totem because of an encounter my maternal grandmother had with an owl years ago. The women in my mother's family display their kinship with the owl with pride by collecting every owl they see. I personally felt a much closer connection to cats or to hawks. I laughed out loud when the owl turned out to be my first teacher and guide in the other worlds. It was a delightful surprise.
I have since met other teachers and had many experiences with them. The first non animal teacher I met was the angel Raphael. I know angels reputations can be polarizing to some people, but they were around long before Christianity, and are very benevolent and loving in my limited experiences. I had been talking to them for years but was absolutely blown away to meet one. He is beautiful and kind and has a wicked sense of humor, if he will forgive me for saying so. His first words to me were, "Welcome home!"
When I met Raphael I was afraid to tell my teacher, for the same reason I never believe people when they tell me they believe in reincarnation because they were Cleopatra in a past life. I thought I would meet some Native American teacher or a great buffalo or anything but an angel during a shamanic journey.
When I told my teacher what the upper world looked like to me, I mentioned that the place I had gone had a see through floor. "I have seen that place!" she exclaimed. "When I was there, there were angels looking down on all of us." I began crying and told her who I had seen there. She was as tickled as I was, but not surprised. There is no limit to who you might meet in these journeys. I believe that.
When I am restless at night, I have always imagined a beautiful log house near a lake in the mountains. Behind the house is a wooded area, with the trees going up the mountain. All of the animals I have cared for throughout the years who have passed over live in this house, if they choose to. I always imagined that my brother and aunt who have passed over live near by and check in on them. The house is filled with unique things and feels like my home. When I met Raphael the first time he told me that the place I had been visiting in quiet meditation for years was truly in the upper realm. He told me I had been visiting that place, and others without realizing I was journeying. He was thrilled that I now was journeying consciously and wanted me to know that I could visit anytime without restriction.
On my first journey after my first set of classes ended I had a beautiful experience. The owl and Raphael took me to my home in the upper world and I got to visit with each of my animals that had passed over, except one. Molly, my cat who never liked me, was not there. I was told she was well, but lived elsewhere. My brother David came to visit me, and later my aunt Wanda. I cannot tell you the joy of visiting my family there. At the time, we were going through a very difficult period with my father and his health. I asked my aunt (his sister) for advice, expecting some wonderful course of action and she told me, "Lori, just leave your daddy alone and quit trying to make him do what you want him to do. I know you love him, but you aren't doing anything but frustrating yourself and him. Set up a healing grid with that nice piece of rose quartz you have for him. He will take care of himself, or he won't. You can't make him do anything, honey."
This all sounded just like my aunt, except for the crystal grid and rose quartz part. My aunt wouldn't have ever told me to do that here on earth in a gozillion years. I did what she said, and passed some messages on to my sister for her. Wanda has visited both of us in dreams many times, and still visits my sister's house (her former house) from time to time, seriously (we have many stories). My sister and I decided to take her advice on Daddy, and low and behold it worked. We both quit pushing him and he did what we wanted on his own. His health all around is very improved.
I have since visited with my grandmother Ione, my grandfather Edmon, my great grandfather H, and his wife Inus, who I never met in life. My grandmother was a seamstress in life, and I am happy to report she is still making clothes in the upper realm. She has made me two dresses to date for when I travel. I thought this was unusual until I asked my teacher during the course of another classes I took. She told me it was an honor, and not unusual at all.
My experiences and the experiences of the other people in the classes I have taken have made me sure that what happens during the journeys is very real. The knowledge and experiences are NEVER what you expect, and though everyone has different things happen, the commonalities that are taught are mind blowing.
I have rambled on enough for now. I am going to take a break and start writing about some of the things I have been taught. Please see my post on the shadow self to see what Raphael told me about learning to love your shadow self. It is very powerful and has been very healing to me.
More to come! Thanks for reading!
With much love,
Lori
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Christmas Tree Blues: A suggestion
I will confess my shame. I had taken my decorations off a couple of weeks ago, but my tree from Christmas/Yule just came down yesterday. I needed Paul's help to do it, and he has been out of town with work (and doing other things).
My mother visited with me as I helped him take it down. "I wish we could keep the trees up all year," she lamented.
I shared an idea with her that I am surprised some big wig at Hallmark hasn't thought of. It is something that I have been bouncing around for a long time in my mind. Why don't we leave the trees up all year? We could change the decorations to make them applicable to different times of the year. Hearts ornaments at Valentine's day, Eggs at Easter/Ostara, small framed pictures of the kids for their birthdays, Flags on the 4th of July,the list goes on... You could always change the color lights for the different holidays as well.
If you like a live tree, or if you don't have room for the big tree all year, why not get a small potted one?
As we were putting the tree in the box, my daughters came down the stairs saying, "I thought we were leaving the tree up this year?!" I told them that I would do a blog post on it in hopes of starting a grass roots movement. :)
Thanks for sharing my whimsy. What do you think? Is there a future for a 4th of July tree?
My mother visited with me as I helped him take it down. "I wish we could keep the trees up all year," she lamented.
I shared an idea with her that I am surprised some big wig at Hallmark hasn't thought of. It is something that I have been bouncing around for a long time in my mind. Why don't we leave the trees up all year? We could change the decorations to make them applicable to different times of the year. Hearts ornaments at Valentine's day, Eggs at Easter/Ostara, small framed pictures of the kids for their birthdays, Flags on the 4th of July,the list goes on... You could always change the color lights for the different holidays as well.
If you like a live tree, or if you don't have room for the big tree all year, why not get a small potted one?
As we were putting the tree in the box, my daughters came down the stairs saying, "I thought we were leaving the tree up this year?!" I told them that I would do a blog post on it in hopes of starting a grass roots movement. :)
Thanks for sharing my whimsy. What do you think? Is there a future for a 4th of July tree?
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Musings and Ramblings about the Shadow Self
I am sorry that it has been a couple of months since I have posted. I spent the month of December in a bit of a funk. I had some anger and some guilt to work through, but I am now on the other side of it. I feel much improved and have things to say. Thanks to all of you who read and care what I think. You all mean more to me than I could ever say.
My first idea for this blog post was going to be called, "The Banishing of Bloody Mary." My daughter Kristina decided because some friends taunted her that it was a good idea to see if Bloody Mary was real. She was convinced that the axe wielding ghost was going to manifest in her bedroom and couldn't sleep for several nights. When I asked her why she would intentionally call something into her room that she thought was going to murder her, she could not give me an answer except that her friends told her to do it: Kids.
I told her that I did not believe that Bloody Mary goes around murdering little girls, but told her that I was afraid of it as a child myself. I remember not looking in mirrors in the dark for years because I feared I would see her reflection over my shoulder. I performed an elaborate prayer/ceremony and told her that the thing she really feared was herself. She had to make her own peace with her fear. I told her that only her faith, courage, and perseverance would help her cleanse herself of the fear in her head. The Holy Spirit and Michael would defend and protect her from outside evil. The ghoul inside your own head is something no one can fight for you.
I know about fighting the shadow self because for the last month and a half I had been fighting with mine. Not just the past month and a half, mind you, but this was the latest battle. After my Ipod took a swim in the toilet I had no one's voice in my head but my own for a while. It was something I needed, and I am convinced that was why it happened. Balance restores itself forcefully if you do not keep it in check yourself. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I see it much clearer now. RIPIpod touch . Sorry you were a victim of my lack of self control. I will treat myself and your successor with more respect.
After my Ipod bit the dust, I started praying in earnest about whether or not to begin to be a bigger participant in the metaphysical community at large in the area. I have a dear friend who is High Priestess of The Temple of the Sacred Gift and often I have wanted to participate in their events, but for various reasons, some that I won't get into, I didn't feel entirely comfortable about it.
When I went to my friend Sonya's son's Wiccaning over the summer, I met many nice people. Most welcomed me with open arms. One in particular touched me in a profound way. Her name was Trudy Herring, or Mama Dragon as she was known to her friends. When I met her she grabbed my arm and said, "Don't tell me your name! I know you! I know that I do!" I remained silent for a few moments as she stared at me with pleading eyes. Finally I said, "We haven't met ma'am. My name is Lori Banks. You don't know me." She looked me in the eyes, indeed clear to my soul and said, "Do I not?"
In that moment I could see that she saw me. She really saw me. She saw me in the way that one soul sees another, with the eyes of the soul and not the eyes of our earthly bodies. She embraced me and I knew in my heart that I would know her and that she would be a great teacher to me. I saw her one other time at another gathering I attended and felt the same way. She was special in ways that everyone could see and feel. She shined.
I prayed hard most of the month of December, and when it came time for the Yule celebration at the temple I prayed for a sign to tell me if I should go. I got my sign, but it was not one I wanted. Indeed when the sign came it broke my heart. Trudy Herring had cancer and her body could no longer survive it. A few days before the Yule celebration, Trudy passed over.
I became so angry with myself for not knowing her better. I wanted to go to her memorial, but felt out of place doing that. Paul couldn't get off work early enough to get home and care for the girls so I let my reluctance and my kids keep me at home that night. A big part of me felt that I didn't have the right to mourn her. I didn't know her, after all. I didn't have a lot of stories to tell about her. I had not been present at any important moment for her or she for me. The moment that had passed between us at the Wiccaning seemed feeble in comparison to the people who had spent years loving her and learning from her. I let my shadow self talk me into feeling like an imposter.
December was rough. First there was the loss of Trudy. Then there was the loss of my private space when my Reiki and meditation room turned into the "Christmas Tree Room." It was pretty, but it wasn't what I wanted. The kids were home and so was Paul. The house was full of bustle and stomping feet and bickering children. I couldn't meditate or journey for the life of me and I felt lost. I enjoyed the time with my family in many ways. I don't want to sound like the Grinch, but I was thankful when school started back and I had a few minutes to myself.
I must compliment my awesome husband at this point. He bought me a lovely carved antler pendant of two owls with an aquamarine in it for Christmas and a wonderful book on Shamanism. He researched them all by himself and did so well. He also bought me some lovely figurines I had wanted. My husband may not believe in all the spiritual mumbo jumbo that I do, but he is majorly supportive of me and his love for me shows in all he does. I am one blessed woman, and I am grateful beyond words for every moment I have with him.
Over the holidays, I listened to a podcast for a show called "Why Shamanism Now" on my new Ipod. In it, the woman who narrates the show said for New Years that her resolution was to be a better follower of spirit, and to make a commitment to journey and meditate and to follow the messages she got from spirit with more regularity. She was going to follow spirit to be a better person. I decided that sounded like the best resolution that I could make as well. I set my mind to it.
When I got the invitation from The Temple of The Sacred Gift to go to their firstNew Moon Circle of the new year, I responded yes and I went. It was a great way to start the year. I felt good about being there and knew I would make this part of my new habits. I met a nice woman named Marcia who told me about a new women's group that had started at Neshoba Church. I went to it the following weekend and it was awesome. I met many women of all ages who were discovering their own spirituality and forging their own way to the divine. It was beautiful.
I have gotten in the habit of journeying at night before I go to sleep, or in the night if I cannot sleep. With my Reiki room still cluttered and recuperating from Christmas, it is the most peaceful time and place I can do it. The other night I had a very powerful journey. I went to the upper realm and met with Raphael, my teacher. Standing by his side was a dragon. It was beautiful; shades of iridescent green, purple, blue and teal shimmered on its scales. I was taken back and shocked to see it. Raphael embraced me as he always does and told me he loved me and how glad he was that I had come. I greeted him, then quickly turned and said, "Raphael, that's a dragon!" He laughed and said, "Of course it is." The dragon then transformed in to Trudy Herring and then it all made sense to me. She hugged my neck too and told me that she was proud of me for deciding to become part of the community. I told her I didn't ever want to feel again that I had missed my opportunity to know a remarkable person like her because of my own fear of fitting in. She said that I could see her in the upper realm any time I chose to. The thought of that made me very happy. She truly is, and was, a Mama Dragon.
I talked to Raphael after her departure about many things. I asked him how I could learn to love my shadow self instead of fighting with it, and he told me something that gave me a lot of perspective. He said, "Think of the body you live in now as a finger puppet to your true self. Your finger is part of you, and it has it's faults, but it is only a very small part of the whole of who you are. You could love a scar on your finger, and you must view your imperfections in the same way. You must know that they are a very small part of you, and only a tiny part of your whole higher self." He also said that imperfections were an important part of being human, and the human experience. He said no matter how high the being is that chooses a human experience, they will experience the challenges and joys of imperfection manifested in some way. I said, "Even you?" He laughed and said, "Yes, even me." He told me to write about this. So here it is.
I am tired of fighting with the part of me that hides in the shadows and throws stones and insults. I have decided to love it. It isn't going to always be easy, but I am a student of spirit and it will see me through. I want to be the best conduit for divine energy in any form that it is needed in any situation I am in. That is what I want for myself. I am a spiritual being experiencing a human life, and this is a magical time of transformation we are all living in. I am not perfect, but I am striving to be aware of what I need to do. The thing I need to do most is to love myself and others. Here goes nothing... :)
Happy New Year Dear Ones. Have you hugged your shadow self today?
My first idea for this blog post was going to be called, "The Banishing of Bloody Mary." My daughter Kristina decided because some friends taunted her that it was a good idea to see if Bloody Mary was real. She was convinced that the axe wielding ghost was going to manifest in her bedroom and couldn't sleep for several nights. When I asked her why she would intentionally call something into her room that she thought was going to murder her, she could not give me an answer except that her friends told her to do it: Kids.
I told her that I did not believe that Bloody Mary goes around murdering little girls, but told her that I was afraid of it as a child myself. I remember not looking in mirrors in the dark for years because I feared I would see her reflection over my shoulder. I performed an elaborate prayer/ceremony and told her that the thing she really feared was herself. She had to make her own peace with her fear. I told her that only her faith, courage, and perseverance would help her cleanse herself of the fear in her head. The Holy Spirit and Michael would defend and protect her from outside evil. The ghoul inside your own head is something no one can fight for you.
I know about fighting the shadow self because for the last month and a half I had been fighting with mine. Not just the past month and a half, mind you, but this was the latest battle. After my Ipod took a swim in the toilet I had no one's voice in my head but my own for a while. It was something I needed, and I am convinced that was why it happened. Balance restores itself forcefully if you do not keep it in check yourself. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I see it much clearer now. RIP
After my Ipod bit the dust, I started praying in earnest about whether or not to begin to be a bigger participant in the metaphysical community at large in the area. I have a dear friend who is High Priestess of The Temple of the Sacred Gift and often I have wanted to participate in their events, but for various reasons, some that I won't get into, I didn't feel entirely comfortable about it.
When I went to my friend Sonya's son's Wiccaning over the summer, I met many nice people. Most welcomed me with open arms. One in particular touched me in a profound way. Her name was Trudy Herring, or Mama Dragon as she was known to her friends. When I met her she grabbed my arm and said, "Don't tell me your name! I know you! I know that I do!" I remained silent for a few moments as she stared at me with pleading eyes. Finally I said, "We haven't met ma'am. My name is Lori Banks. You don't know me." She looked me in the eyes, indeed clear to my soul and said, "Do I not?"
In that moment I could see that she saw me. She really saw me. She saw me in the way that one soul sees another, with the eyes of the soul and not the eyes of our earthly bodies. She embraced me and I knew in my heart that I would know her and that she would be a great teacher to me. I saw her one other time at another gathering I attended and felt the same way. She was special in ways that everyone could see and feel. She shined.
I prayed hard most of the month of December, and when it came time for the Yule celebration at the temple I prayed for a sign to tell me if I should go. I got my sign, but it was not one I wanted. Indeed when the sign came it broke my heart. Trudy Herring had cancer and her body could no longer survive it. A few days before the Yule celebration, Trudy passed over.
I became so angry with myself for not knowing her better. I wanted to go to her memorial, but felt out of place doing that. Paul couldn't get off work early enough to get home and care for the girls so I let my reluctance and my kids keep me at home that night. A big part of me felt that I didn't have the right to mourn her. I didn't know her, after all. I didn't have a lot of stories to tell about her. I had not been present at any important moment for her or she for me. The moment that had passed between us at the Wiccaning seemed feeble in comparison to the people who had spent years loving her and learning from her. I let my shadow self talk me into feeling like an imposter.
December was rough. First there was the loss of Trudy. Then there was the loss of my private space when my Reiki and meditation room turned into the "Christmas Tree Room." It was pretty, but it wasn't what I wanted. The kids were home and so was Paul. The house was full of bustle and stomping feet and bickering children. I couldn't meditate or journey for the life of me and I felt lost. I enjoyed the time with my family in many ways. I don't want to sound like the Grinch, but I was thankful when school started back and I had a few minutes to myself.
I must compliment my awesome husband at this point. He bought me a lovely carved antler pendant of two owls with an aquamarine in it for Christmas and a wonderful book on Shamanism. He researched them all by himself and did so well. He also bought me some lovely figurines I had wanted. My husband may not believe in all the spiritual mumbo jumbo that I do, but he is majorly supportive of me and his love for me shows in all he does. I am one blessed woman, and I am grateful beyond words for every moment I have with him.
Over the holidays, I listened to a podcast for a show called "Why Shamanism Now" on my new Ipod. In it, the woman who narrates the show said for New Years that her resolution was to be a better follower of spirit, and to make a commitment to journey and meditate and to follow the messages she got from spirit with more regularity. She was going to follow spirit to be a better person. I decided that sounded like the best resolution that I could make as well. I set my mind to it.
When I got the invitation from The Temple of The Sacred Gift to go to their first
I have gotten in the habit of journeying at night before I go to sleep, or in the night if I cannot sleep. With my Reiki room still cluttered and recuperating from Christmas, it is the most peaceful time and place I can do it. The other night I had a very powerful journey. I went to the upper realm and met with Raphael, my teacher. Standing by his side was a dragon. It was beautiful; shades of iridescent green, purple, blue and teal shimmered on its scales. I was taken back and shocked to see it. Raphael embraced me as he always does and told me he loved me and how glad he was that I had come. I greeted him, then quickly turned and said, "Raphael, that's a dragon!" He laughed and said, "Of course it is." The dragon then transformed in to Trudy Herring and then it all made sense to me. She hugged my neck too and told me that she was proud of me for deciding to become part of the community. I told her I didn't ever want to feel again that I had missed my opportunity to know a remarkable person like her because of my own fear of fitting in. She said that I could see her in the upper realm any time I chose to. The thought of that made me very happy. She truly is, and was, a Mama Dragon.
I talked to Raphael after her departure about many things. I asked him how I could learn to love my shadow self instead of fighting with it, and he told me something that gave me a lot of perspective. He said, "Think of the body you live in now as a finger puppet to your true self. Your finger is part of you, and it has it's faults, but it is only a very small part of the whole of who you are. You could love a scar on your finger, and you must view your imperfections in the same way. You must know that they are a very small part of you, and only a tiny part of your whole higher self." He also said that imperfections were an important part of being human, and the human experience. He said no matter how high the being is that chooses a human experience, they will experience the challenges and joys of imperfection manifested in some way. I said, "Even you?" He laughed and said, "Yes, even me." He told me to write about this. So here it is.
I am tired of fighting with the part of me that hides in the shadows and throws stones and insults. I have decided to love it. It isn't going to always be easy, but I am a student of spirit and it will see me through. I want to be the best conduit for divine energy in any form that it is needed in any situation I am in. That is what I want for myself. I am a spiritual being experiencing a human life, and this is a magical time of transformation we are all living in. I am not perfect, but I am striving to be aware of what I need to do. The thing I need to do most is to love myself and others. Here goes nothing... :)
Happy New Year Dear Ones. Have you hugged your shadow self today?
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